elementary productions

Links

2009-08-13T21:32:00.003+01:00

The links over there have now been updated to take you to exciting places above and beyond this exciting place.

Feel free to visit them, but don't be a stranger here, you hear.

elementary recordings is live

2009-02-15T13:25:00.003Z

Finally, after many years of struggle, the record label 'elementary recordings' is off the ground. After a muted beginning in 2007 with the release of "The birthday EP" by alan_neilson, the label has been joined by artists from around the country and will shortly be distributing their work digitally via iTunes and amazon_mp3, and physically through the website.

It is an exciting time for everyone connected with elementary recordings, and the artists involved are the best around at the moment.

Please check out:

elementary_recordings

Touching Wood is complete

2006-10-08T13:57:00.000+01:00

My boys, my boys.... you are done. Yes, dearest readers of all thing elementary, Touching Wood has been finished. It is now called "Touching Wood: The Woman's Complete Guide to the Kid Inside Their Man - Part One, Stories for boys"
The sudden burst of activity on my writing was all due to a publisher liking the synopsis and initial chapters and wanting to read the rest.... so I had 2 weeks to fill in the blanks so I could send it off. So, tis now done.
If you want to check out the completed novel, just click on the link to the book.. I hope the wait was worth it.
Thanks for sticking with me.

God save elementary recordings

2006-07-08T13:54:00.000+01:00

Again I want to pass on my personal thanks to John Lydon. You see back in 1977/78, what he did changed my life irrevocably. I know the Sex Pistols were dead in the water by late 1978, but as I was only 9 nine years old then, I had to catch up on the previous 2 years when the Pistols were actually around... the songs Anarchy in the UK, God Save the Queen, Holidays in the Sun and Pretty Vacant gave me music that made sense (it actually makes more sense to me now as a more educated individual than then, as I just liked the anger and the energy at the time). I love the fact that Lydon questions everything and was one of the very few to stand up and say the only use the royal family is to the UK, is as a tourist attraction. This is just as valid a statement now as it was then.... but everyone wants an MBE now, so no one will repeat it. I'm not naive enough to suggest that getting rid of the royal family institution will somehow help the working class in this county, because it won't - there will be a million politicians, solicitors, lawyers and members of the middle classes who will drain any funds spared by the lack of investment in this ancient custom... but surely in this day and age, as a member of a forward looking european society, we have no need for such a glaring example of the divide between the haves and the have nots... Marie Antionette said "let them eat cake" when the poor could not have bread. I say we don't want cake; let us eat bread.

That now silent voice puzzled them

2006-07-04T19:01:00.000+01:00

From Anarchy in 1916 and 1976, to Anodyne in 2006... Happy Birthday!

This is not 1916, we are not drawing up a Dadaist manifesto; nor is this 1976, the anarchy has turned to apathy now that seemingly we have nothing to struggle against… both these movements were fighting against the status quo, and now we have no one around who wants to challenge our way of living, because we have found acceptance. But it really is worse now than ever, because the enemy is everywhere, yet invisible: it is the conglomerates and the multinationals, they act like they’re your friend, but they will bleed you until you hand over your last penny. They will sell you a product and make you think you can’t live without it. They pretend to offer choice but have destroyed all competition, and I can’t see that there is a choice when I am offered something I don’t want or need.
This is 2006 and we need to remember that every penny we spend we have earned, and I don’t think a ringtone or a magazine that tells me what sunglasses a footballer’s girlfriend wears is worth any amount of my money or time.
The punk revolution in 1976 was 30 years ago, it’s funny to think now that the Sex Pistols was a reaction to society and the music establishment of the time, as if they had had to suffer decades of soulless, mindless pop music: The Velvet Underground started making music nine years before them; The Stooges only seven; Bowie was about to reach his artistic peak and Elvis’s career was a dim memory, only stung into action with his death the following year.. no problem there you’d think. However, punk was less about the music or the sound, and more about the attitude. It was about doing it yourself, because you knew no one else would; it was about making music and for a lot of bands it meant bypassing the established labels and being your own label.. Factory, Rough Trade, Beggars Banquet, Crass Records released some of the best music of the time with no assistance from the likes of bigger labels like CBS, A&M, RCA, and where are they now..? Rebadged and owned by multinationals, while Rough Trade still releases some of the best music of the age... but they were always about music and never about money.
So where is the music industry now in 2006? No further forward than we were in 1976; if anything it is worse. Music publishers generally will not accept new material from unknown writers; record companies will not speculate, and will only stay with what is safe and inoffensive. Society’s standards have been systematically lowered over the last two decades, and it takes a teenager from Sheffield to remind the world that “there’s only new music, so that there’s new ringtones”, before it is too late. We are heading toward a future where songs will only be 10 seconds long, because that is all we will ever need, or want to listen to. Of course this will not happen, because there is always a group of writers and musicians who work outside of the establishment, and little by little, like the Dadaists of the last century and the articulate northern monkeys of the moment, they are chipping away at the ugly monster that we as a society have constructed. They are making loaves of bread into birthday cakes, they are making records with their late grandparents, they are setting up independent records labels like Elementary Recordings in an attempt to expose the music industry for the fraud it really is.
“The Birthday EP” by Alan Neilson, released by Elementary Recordings in early June is the single most anti-religious song since Lydon screamed: “I am an anti-Christ”. Although “Birthday” doesn’t quite punch you in the face, its underlying theme of making the most of a life, because there really is nothing else, is honest and brutal. It is an uplifting experience when someone says for the first time in a pop song, softly and simply: “Someone should tell you there is only this”. I can hear the Vatican City being shaken to its foundations already, as this small whispered voice stands against everything every religion the world over stands for. But this is not the ravings of a young nihilist, far from it; Neilson celebrates life for the once around the block ride it is: “The first lesson of the day is that we are special.. the second, and third lesson is we are unique”.
We need to hear this. We need to remember that there is too much trivia. We need to remember a hundred years ago there was Dada, a very small group of artists who turned the art world on its head and their actions still reverberate around the world today. In a hundred years from today, what will be remembered; what is being produced today that will still have impact in a century? I’m struggling to think of anything but the music made by Alan Neilson.

and the lipstick smile god always left you

2006-06-19T19:52:00.000+01:00

These lips are for kissing all those beautiful people out there who are visiting these pages and enjoying themselves. Thank you.

Crapping awful shit; after all, who was like nature?

2006-06-19T19:38:00.000+01:00

We will soon lose the ability to explain and express ourselves. It's sounds silly but we will shortly lose the skill to speak and describe what is around us, because when anything happens now, we record it on camcorders or mobile phones. We hold up those little screens and say monosyllabically "look at this" - gesturing with our free hand while our friends squints to see the blurry image on a 2 inch screen, which with words could have been so much more clearly illustrated.
We will in time return to our Neanderthal roots, when we would point at our bellies to suggest hunger, point at our privates to suggest desire and point at the sky to suggest fear.
I guess the problem is that we just don't have time, or make time to listen to each other telling us about our lives. We just want a 10 second clip, rather than a 15 minute explanation. It's a magazine culture we live in now, and we just desire colourful pictures, headlines and soundbites rather than honest, passionate description; we don't like things too complicated because it makes us feel stupid - "so just make everything stupid, so we can feel superior". Well I like feeling that there is something better out there, something I have to work towards, something that is important.
Our lives are surrounded by meaningless trivia and because of this we think less about the important things and more about crap, maybe this is a government initiative; after destroying trade unions and socialist thinking, they will fill the gap with junk, to prevent rational consideration. And now there is no one left who wants to question our way of living.. well there is me, and hopefully you.
What is funny though, is that if you put someone on tele, we will listen attentively. We will watch strangers carrying out mundane tasks, and devote hours of our busy lives keeping up with what is happening in their lives. But they are just like us! Isn't it more worthwhile talking and sharing with your friends and finding out what they have been up to, rather than some stranger, just because they are on the tele this week? We give them the title of celebrity, but there is nothing to celebrate. We call them personalities, but they have no personality.

Touching Wood

2006-05-27T15:59:00.000+01:00

Just an update for all those you check out my other blog http://www.schvtrn.com/elementary/blog/ which is the novel "Touching Wood (Part 1 - Stories for boys, 1977-1980), well it is now all there... well almost... there were 6 or so chapters that ending up being dumped and I haven't got around to finishing them, so I have just uploaded everything I've got, with notes for the unfinished chapters.
Hope you enjoy this unfinished piece as much as I have enjoyed not finishing it.

eve o problems

2006-05-24T19:21:00.000+01:00

Just thought I should let you all know that the recent flurry of activity on this long forgotten site, was due in part to the rediscovery of the artwork I did at college back in 1994/5. If any of you know the work of the brilliant artist Tom Phillips, you will no doubt immediately see that I have ripped him off hook, line and sinker. I have no shame in that. When I first saw his "book" A Humument in 1992, I almost shat myself it was so good.. so fucking inspired. If you don't know it, Tom took a book called A Human Document and painted it; actually painted the pages of the book, painting over the words on the pages, but leaving interesting phrases untouched, which when put together would be interesting, funny etc. Tom is a staggering painter, so when you see his work, you'll look at mine and snigger politely (his pages can be found here.. http://www.tomphillips.co.uk/humument/0/001010/index.html please look and see how this type of painting is supposed to be done).
However, as limited as my painting skills are, I did find that a lot of interesting phrases would come out of this, words that I wouldn't necessarily put together if I thought about it, suddenly were in a line on the page, and suddenly I was writing differently, unconciously... it was uplifting and very liberating.. more so than the famous cut ups, because with this way the words were being provided by another (in my case a book called The Wabash Factor by E V Cunningham, first published 1986 - I pretty poor detective novel to be honest, but it had thick pages and it was only 50p in a charity shop in Hanley). Anyway, I got a lot of good songs out of this.
Recently, I rediscovered the work I did at college and scanned them in to share with everyone. I have painted about 115 pages (although a fair few of them are shit), but it does get very difficult, especially when your artist skills are limited after 100 pages, particularly when you get a few pages with no interesting words or word connections. I'll be putting up the best ones over the next few weeks, so please look in when you can
Anyway I hope you are enjoying these pages, and please visit Tom's site to see a master at work.

you're beautiful death, I love you

2006-05-23T19:52:00.000+01:00

I had a fascination with death from a very early age; an unnatural interest, almost an eagerness to understand what death is, and worse, what it would feel like to die. I was also obsessed with the way other people communicate their feelings about such a taboo subject.
"Goodbye Michelle it's hard to die, when all the birds are singing in the sky," is where it started I think. That Jacques Brel song delivered by Terry Jacks in 1974, when I was about 5 years old. While everyone else was singing the chorus with the altered lyrics about flicking bogies at the sun, I was contemplating suicide.
Then there was Bobby Gentry's "Ode To Billie Joe"; the beautiful song about young BJ throwing himself off the Tallahatchie Bridge (it's strange but until today I always thought Billie Jo was a girl, and I don't know why because it's quite clear from the lyrics it is a boy), anyway, I loved the attention that was given to Billie Joe's demise, the gap he left in everyone's lives and particularly the fact that he was remembered in song... I thought that was so cool; to be remembered like that. I wanted songs written about me.. but instead I wrote songs about death.
I embraced death, never really knowing during those tender years what it actually meant. Death in songs is always romanticised, it is almost glorified, made for an audience of teenagers, who full of self-pity, love nothing more than moaning and pretending to be depressed, in a vain attempt to appear more interesting and therefore more attractive and appealing to the opposite sex.
For me it was always about the music. I love the way songs can change moods, like a mind altering substance, it can plummet you to depths of despair for 3 minutes. The trick is knowing when you've had enough; it was easier in the old days because the needle would lift off the record at the end of the song, now you can leave iTunes on and it will play for weeks, ploughing through a library of wristslashers.
I see death now as a deadline; literally. I want to get everything done that I can before I skip off this mortal coil. If no other fucker will write my requiem, I'll do it myself. Death has made me live. I don't believe in the afterlife, or rebirth or any of this shit. I am sure you have one go at this living lark, and after that nothing. So here I am, and I am not going away.

tears, I've shit 'em

2006-05-23T19:21:00.000+01:00

When future generations look back at the beginning of the 21st century, they'll be looking for points of interest; you know, amazing works of art or literature. They'll be seeing what contribution our generation gave to history and the future. Do you know what'll they find...? Nothing. Absolutely fuck all. And why is that? Because this generation of decision makers, only decided to make money.
This is a generation where "celebraties" are given a platform; but the hollow fuckers have nothing to say about anything except themselves.. ie. this is where I buy my £400 shoes, this is where I went on holiday, this is my swimsuit, this is me going to a premier, this is me on the tele.. etc. totally fucking vacant, and not even pretty - this is very, very ugly. Frankly, I find the way they flaunt their wealth fucking offensive... doesn't anyone else see it this way, or I am fucked up?
There are people around today who express themselves elegantly, intelligently, beautifully, but they are not footballers, models, TV presenters, gameshow hosts or manufactured popstars... but publishing deals are being given to these pricks, for their live story ha ha! Some of these fuckers are not even 20 years old yet.. let them live a little first please! Otherwise all they can produce is a fucking pamphlet, not a novel, not a saga.
And all the great writers of our age will be silenced.. and their work will never be seen by anyone but themselves. This is a great loss to our age and future ages.

My two cents (sense)

2006-05-22T15:01:00.000+01:00

Loud, fast music is no longer punk rock; it is now a part of the establishment. Everything John Lydon worked so hard to turn on its head, is now on its head, but it's being used by the same cunts who were in charge in 1975... the fucking middle classes. So where to now? Back to basics... give them the last thing they'll think off. Give them something they won't like... yet.
There used to be too many protest singers and not enough protest songs... now there are no songs and no singers. There was rock n roll, then that became vacuous, it was manufactured and it was fake; what followed was the opposite... Bob Dylan; quiet songs, with loud sentiments. Then there was the Beatles, who floated between the two poles during their whole career, but always publicly safe; then there was Lennon who tried to be controversial, but could only find justification when selling lots of records. Then there was the Pistols.. does anyone remember how different they were, and how much ill feeling they produced in this country at the time? Does anyone remember what followed...? Well we're living in the shit now, big business has taken over and big business was frightened by bands like the Pistols, because they showed that the working classes are intelligent and can fight back.. big business just wants us to believe that we need aerosols to stop our shit stinking like shit.. take a look down your local supermarket aisle and see how much crap is for sale.. there are 2 aisles of fruit and veg, 2 of chilled fish and meats and about 20 full of toilet paper, aerosols, shampoo, creams, hair gel, smelly plugs, microwave meals, crisps, coloured paper plates etc etc.
It is so much worse now than in 1975, because no one cares anymore; at least then we were fighting. Now we just sit back and give our acceptance willingly.
John Lydon is the sanest person on earth. But he is only on TV because "it's John being controversial again"... the middle classes love it, as long as it doesn't invade their comfort zone. You only had to see the Lottery this weekend; the presenters were shitting themselves when protesters peacefully invaded the set... that fat prick was so fuckin smug, forgetting that moments before he was pushing the female presenter out of the way to get away from protesters. He was probably thinking about the payment from reruns on the bloopers show (what a waste of fuckin time that is anyway).
John we need you again.... oh wait, we need someone like you, someone like me - you always maintained that we need to develop our own order and not accept what is around us... question everything. Well thanks for the inspiration.. we can take it from here.

god and I at one

2006-05-22T13:41:00.000+01:00

Just for the record, me and god have a very on/off relationship.... very off now, and it has been that way for many years. I just think that in the absence of proof of god's existence, we must take on the responsibility of behaving as if he wasn't there.
I do believe that we choose to believe in a higher power to deflect any responsibility we inherently have as human beings: responsibility for ourselves, our planet, and our brothers and sisters across the continents... it's easy to be a jobsworth and say, "that's god's job; I'll just passively praise and wait for my reward in the next life". The next life! Are you fuckin mad? This is fuckin it people.. stop waiting for things to get better, or be put right... it's our fuckin jobs to do it, right now.
Anyway, I have sat on both sides of this argument. I did believe in Jesus. There is still part of me that believes in the human being Jesus, who was born to a carpenter; the man who tried to make people understand that resisting evil only breeds more evil... (but then he never met anyone from marketing or advertising did he? He never knew the inane incarnation of drivel that is Noel Edmonds. He doesn't have to suffer that talentless twat Robbie Williams, who justifies his existence by the size of his bank account).
The way I see it, we are all made out of carbon - the universe is made out of carbon - the universe is a result of a massive explosion - our solar system is made of carbon deposits coming together - our earth is made of carbon deposits, gases and moisture - we are essentially pieces of the universe, mixed up over generations and evolved. So we really are the world ha ha! Maybe it is this fundamental fact, buried deep within our psyche, that we associate with god; and because we can't possibly be god, we look outside ourselves for our creator.... but we all are literally, god and I at one. The same way as every other organic carbon compound in the universe... it's nothing special.
However, our individual lives mean everything, because we are a part of history, and lessons learned now will help our future carbon compounds (whatever form they take). There really is nothing beyond this life, and that is why we need to stop this repugnant and offensive distinction between the haves and have nots. There needs to be a greater degree of fairness.. money needs to be spread about a little bit better than it is at the moment.
What we need is a bit of understanding; we as purchasers need to stop purchasing.. stop giving the fuckers our money, they have enough, they need no more. You are gods, you fuckers, remember that... we are all gods, however, we (the working classes) have stronger backs and greater imagination; they only imagine bigger pillows and smaller phones... our resources are greater, we need to let them remember that.

the smell of rain on warm concrete

2006-05-20T15:20:00.000+01:00

I have a good nose; I am like a dog in that respect I think.
As well as the smell of rain on warm concrete, I also love the smell of fresh cut grass; the Body Shop's White Musk; giraffes; petrol; cigarettes; vinyl records, especially 78's; charity shops; the sea; fish and chip shops; and my own farts.

I know grief at least, I shouted

2006-05-20T15:00:00.000+01:00

I haven't cried since my dog died. I think I need to watch Casablanca and drink until I can't see anymore.
I always feel a lump in my throat everytime I hear Leo Sayer's "Moonlighting".. I went to Gretna once you see, with a girl I wanted to marry. I thought it would be a good story, I thought it was a romantic thing to do... but we didn't, we just laughed at the idea, and drove on to Edinburgh. We spent 2 weeks in a beige Lada estate, travelling around Scotland. It rained a lot and we spent one night sleeping in the back of the car after the tent became soaked through and was letting in water. It takes a lot to remain friends after 14 days living like that; but we did... and we eventually grew apart. She grew up and I didn't; not until later anyway. I cried a lot when I found that out, I can tell you.

I love you

2006-05-20T14:21:00.000+01:00

The first person I ever loved (well what I believed was love when I was 10 years old) was Rachael Lloyd, or is spelt Rachel..? That was the question I asked when I was 10, and that is when I knew I was in love....
It was Valentine's day 1980. I wanted so much to give Rachael a card expressing my devotion (we had been kind of going together for a few weeks). The problem was, when I wrote the card out, I was unsure of the spelling of her name.. was it Racheal, Rachel or Rachael. I wrote it the first way, and knew it was wrong, and the card was spoiled.... I tried to change it to Rachael, but it just looked like two blobs of ink. I wrote out the rest of the card anyway and sealed the envelope. I walked to her house in the early evening and waited.... I don't know why I didn't post the card or hand it to her personally... I just waited around the back of her house, hoping she would just happen to walk by and I could hand her the card. I probably had reservations about giving a sub-standard card; or maybe I was afraid to show my feelings; maybe I was afraid of being laughed at and the kiss we had shared, was just an experiment to test the water for her, until she went scuba-diving with bigger boys..... anyway I stood around singing "It's Different For Girls" by Joe Jackson to myself, for an hour in the dark, and eventually slumped off home.
I didn't get a card off her anyway.
She moved away a few months afterward, and I remember the day she left clearly (we had stopped kind of going together by this point by the way). I saw her family packing the car and I saw the car drive away, I caught a glimpse of her dark bobbed hair in the backseat; I was standing in my living room playing "You Say You Don't Love Me" by the Buzzcocks, over and over again... I kept hoping she would come to my house to say goodbye.
She didn't, and I never waved her off. I was happy making myself depressed.
What a sack of shit I was then.
I think this experience pretty much describes my dealings with girls for the following 15 years; sitting in my room playing records and conjuring up events in my head about what I should have been doing for real.
I don't know if you've ever read Steppenwold by Hermann Hesse, but there is a section about this very experience (a boy's hesitancy to approach a girl which affects his later experiences with the opposite sex..) which in the story, the narrator has the power to correct and this one moment in time, now altered, changes everything.. the boy is no longer shy, he's able to interact on equal terms with those he desired, unlike me, who like a wallflower has let many an experience go by..... my only regrets are the things I didn't do or say, I don't regret actaully doing anything, good or bad, everything I've done has shaped me (just as the things I didn't do).
Anyway, if you're reading this Rachael Lloyd... I love you.

art is the whorehouse of the tourist

2006-05-20T13:52:00.000+01:00

For me, art cannot be compromised... and it is happening all the time. Artists are becoming whores.. well it has been that way for a long, long time. The paintings we see in the galleries today (accept for maybe Van Goghs and a few others) were paid for by the ruling classes of the day, and were compromised for that very reason. It's the same with the music of the previous centuries; it was written to please the kings of Europe. The joke now is of course that the beneficaries of art now are the fuckin multinational companies and their advertising and marketing department.. they want to promote their product so they fund films or music or television programs. Do we not see this? At the moment I would be happy never to see another studio film, television program, blockbuster, best seller, chart hit... I want something real, and that only happens without a compromise.
I wish for one day, the working class of this country would not buy a glossy celeb magazine; a top twenty CD; not buy a ringtone; the no 1 besteller; a lottery ticket... not listen to anything but podcasts or indie radio... not watch anything on TV at all.... not go to a multiplex... not be fooled by an advert...not be conned by a piece of cardboard masquerading as a burger. I wish for one day we could all be Bill Hicks (after he quit smoking, but before he died obviously); there was a man who never gave up his integrity. Then maybe after that one day, we would see that the day before we had been cruelly deceived and we really do not need the shit they are selling us... maybe then the working classes would stop being screwed... just remember that without our backs and strong arms and legs, and without our money, nothing in this world would happen. We indirectly and directly support everything that is manufactured, bought and sold in this world... we should remember that. We should remember that the middle classes are spineless and idealess... it comes with living in a permanent comfort zone, you get so very, fucking lazy.
This may sound like some Marxist rant. It's not, it is an anarchist rant; I'm just very tired of being cheated... join the club people... it's free... in fact I encourage everybody not to spend... I advocate putting any money you were going to spend on the above, and put it in a jar... leave it there.

Auntie Beeb extends a hand to your old Uncle Al

2006-02-24T17:42:00.000Z

You heard it here first folks (where else?.. Apart from myspace).. the BBC in the Black Country (where I reside and sing and vote and pay my council tax) is doing a "piece" on Alan Neilson. It will be an interview and video of my "new" song 'Harry, Lyn and Me'. It will be broadcast on BBC TV interactive, but also available online at BBC local TV.
I'll blog the exact details when the piece is completed later in March.
Of course it's not the first time me and Auntie Beeb have fondled each other in this way; oh no... you remember my song 'Given' don't you? Well that was entered into BBC Radio WM's song contest during the summer of 2004.
I didn't win, but oh how we laughed when I came last..!! You see I didn't realise that with these phone vote thingies (where the most votes win) if you are a contestant, you must make sure you phone for yourself a million times. As it stood I think I had 10% of the votes (me, Lyn and my mum I think... or maybe just me and Lyn, it was late in the evening!)
So thanks to Tim Burke at the BBC for showing an interest and more praise to John Mono of Radio Monochrome Museum (you know where to look, so download the show now!) who rattled enough doors and people to wake dear old Auntie in the first place - more power to you and Moll.

Robbie Fowler, back at Anfield

2006-02-01T16:46:00.000Z

Robbie Fowler - back at Anfield, where he belongs.
I knew 2006 was gonna be a good year and this has just confirmed it. Robbie back in the Liverpool squad after 4 years in the wilderness, following being dumped by old Houllier.I was at what I thought would be Robbie's final ever game for Liverpool; a dull affair against Sunderland (we won 1-0), what was so awful was that it was clear Robbie may be going soon and half way through the game Didi Hamaan is sent off for a twofooted challenge. Robbie found himself dispensable and he was given up for a more defensive formation - some farewell, for one of our greatest strikers.
At least this can now be put right - I just hope he shines again at Anfield. Come on you mighty Reds!

TW sees (seize) the world

2005-10-28T20:02:00.000+01:00

In case you were concerned, after the last rejection, I sat and pondered.. and then moped (which looks like moped, the small motorbike, but I mean moped) around the flat for a bit; looked at the wall and the ceiling which I find does actually help, and then put the little book back in an envelope and sent it back to where it came.. the capital; where the money goes 'round, but not much else.
Sometimes I like the excitement of permanently being on the verge of being the new "whatever" - I do think that this will happen and I will be asked how I managed to come up with a concept like TW, and I'll just say.... "I dunno; for I am not the new '...' this has been festering in my brain for ten years, but nobody ever noticed, because you were too busy having parties rather than understanding what it is the new '...' is." and on and on I'll ramble, only to be understood by Eddie Izzard, Bobby Conn and Martin Taylor.

The R (ahhhhh) Factor

2005-10-02T11:18:00.000+01:00

Just thinking last night whilst watching all those hopefuls on the X Factor have their dreams dashed against the rocky face of Osbourne et al. There were some who just broke your heart; there were clearly pretty poor singers, those that just lost it with stage nerves or were not TV pretty... so I was thinking, I am going to have a talent contest called the R Factor (R as in ahhhh)... and also it could stand for Reject.
I always prefer the losers to be honest; the winners are usually just a carbon copy of something that has already been proven to be successful- who wants that? I want the ones with an edge; with a disability; with a big nose.
I hate the X Factor; it serves no other purpose than to promote another five minute wonder (and to add to Cowell's millions) - and the biggest joke is that that brush headed knob truly believes that he has an idea about making good music.. wait for another list of number one artists and units sold etc etc.
Good music is not about units sold or number ones... think about this.... I shop in second hand stores a lot, I have never found an Elliott Smith, Bright Eyes or Joy Division CD for sale, I have however found dozens of Hearsay, Boyzone and Britney Spears CDs. Why? Because the people who buy Hearsay are not music lovers, they like TV, they get caught up in the marketing storm that surrounds programs like X Factor and just buy the record. If they do ever actually play the CD, they then realise it has not musical value at all, and so end up passing it either straight to the charity shops and second hand stalls, or to the rubbish bin (where it belongs after all). But what happens is these mediocre records make millions and give Cowell the justification to make more programs like this.
Don't get me wrong, the initial X Factor programs are strangely addictive; what better than seeing people's hopes crushed... no, I don't mean that; I did audition myself so I do know what it feels like. You can't take your eyes of the program though, these people really want something and it's real, their failings are almost tangible. Everything after, is just lights and mirrors... no value whatsoever.
So if you're reading Daniel, I was gutted when they let you go - you were the winner for me. Good luck all you fellow Aahhh Factor members, for I am one of you.

Rejection #8

2005-09-25T16:01:00.000+01:00

Yes "Touching Wood" flies home... maybe it's the boomerang shaped envelopes I am using.

And yesterday was such a brilliant day as well. I headlined at the Acoustic Showcase at The Midlands Arts Centre, here in Birmingham, and had the joy of singing my songs to an audience who listened and laughed in all the right places.. yes there are some funny lines in my songs, but you have to really listen!

I even had strangers come up to me and tell me they liked me and ask to buy my Cd's; you beautiful people... this world is too weird and wonderful for words.

New friends and old

2005-09-25T15:50:00.000+01:00

Just wanted to say that if any of you dear reader(s) wanted to listen to more of my work, please feel free to check out www.myspace.com/alanneilson as well as www.overplay.co.uk/alanneilson - talk about adding more information to this information super highway.. and the more there is out there, the less anyone sees; like fucking plankton.

Just also wanted to say hi to Chris and tell him that everytime I hear "Oh Lori" by Alessi, I always think of him.

Everything is ok

2005-08-29T11:18:00.000+01:00

Thanks for all the get well messages -my computer is well now thanks.

I am now well also.. despite not being seen on the X factor long shots - probably because i was pulling a moody face every time.

My computer is dying

2005-08-24T16:06:00.000+01:00

Aaagghhh! I think my computer is dead... if you want to send flowers, you know the address. I hoping I might be able to salvage Touching Wood and my music files... if not, tears will be flowing out of Dudley.

I am jealous of Arctic Monkeys

2005-08-15T21:10:00.000+01:00

Yes most of you won't know who the Arctic Monkeys are.. well shame on you.. there is a lot of good music floating around the world at the moment (most of which is not on TV or radio).
Well the Arctic Monkeys are amazing, they write songs like men in the thirties (ha, ha like me... well no not like me), you know mature, clever stuff (ha, ha like me)... but these monkeys are really young and talented, grrrr.. i want to lock them up and make them write songs for me.

Check them out.

Alan Neilson sings, but gently

2005-08-15T21:04:00.000+01:00

Yes fans, I now have music on the internet.

If you are interested, please visit www.overplay.co.uk/AlanNeilson and have a listen to my latest crop of recordings... I said 'crop'.

Other news - I have sent Touching Wood out again to see if people like my writing as much as my music.

I am currently singing more than ever so TW is losing out on the attention front, sorry boys.

I have some gigs coming up in the MIdlands area in September if anyone is about, check out the overplay site for info.

Thank you for your attention, that's all.

Aimee Mann, please marry me.

2005-07-16T13:09:00.000+01:00

Just thought you all should know that Aimee Mann is one of the greatest living songwriters around at this time. I saw her at the Manchester Academy last night and she blew my mind again. Her new album "The Forgotten Arm" is outstanding and her live performance is just perfect.

I left my new CD with one of the roadies and asked him to pass it on to her.. but I guess he probably won't.

Rejected/ejected

2005-06-29T20:32:00.000+01:00

My baby has come home.. still unfulfilled. "Touching Wood" is still gloriously underground. God bless you, I still have maximum street cred. I love you you fuckers.

On an uplifting note however, I have just written and recorded the first "Alan Neilson" song for many years.

It's called "Wish You Were Her"... a mid-life crisis in full flow and for all the world to see.. don't you just love to see a mind slowly deteriorating.

Have you heard of Narcissistic Personality Disorder? Here are the DISORDER SYMPTOMS :

-Grandiose sense of self-importance
-Preoccupied with fantasies about unlimited successes
-Believes self to be "special"
-Requires excessive admiration
-Has a sense of entitlement
-Is interpersonally exploitative
-Lacks empathy
-Is often envious
-Displays arrogant, haughty behaviour

The Mental Health Foundation website says at least three of the symptoms of the disorder need to be present to confirm a diagnosis on a patient. Ha, ha ,ha... only 3!! I can pick out about 7 from that fuckin list!! But I am at the very least a realist above all other things, and although I joke about this shit, I do appreciate more than anything the necessity to work hard for every tiny victory.

Therefore when someone says they cried because of the beauty of one of my songs, that is a tiny victory, but my feet are still planted on the ground. Thanks Marie.

Liverpool FC; European Champions 2005

2005-05-27T13:12:00.000+01:00

Yes, I know most of you won't care, but what a game the 2005 Champions League Final was. Liverpool were losing 3-nil at half time, and when all hope was lost, Stevie Gerrard steps up with a goal to kickstart 30000 fans... from there on we were like an express train; 2 more goal in 6 minutes and we had equalized. Nought to a million miles an hour in seconds.... then followed almost an hour of intense anguish as we held onto the draw. Through extra time and into penalties, with Jerzy Dudek's antics winning the game 3-2 on penalties, with Jerzy saving 2 of Milan's shots.
And yesterday, with the team returning to Liverpool and the welcome they received.. that's why I'm glad my blood is scouse, I'm proud that my parents and grandparents were born within a mile of Anfield football ground. What a team.

"Arcade Fire"

2005-05-20T09:42:00.000+01:00

In case anyone is interested, the band Arcade Fire are the most uplifting thing I've heard since Dogs Die In Hot Cars released, Please Describe Yourself. It is a joy to me that new incredible music is still being made and is available even in nasty HMV.

Why didn't anyone tell George Lucas?

2005-05-19T18:33:00.000+01:00

It seems Mr George Lucas has had too many 'yes' men in his company. No one had the balls or fanny to tell him his script is the biggest piece of shit ever put to paper. I get the feeling he is a man playing with his Palitoy Star Wars figures and forgetting that Star Wars is great because it fundamentally deals with human emotions.. emotions like loss, love, deceit, fear, ambition. It was all there in Episode III, but the words he put into his plastic actors were without feeling and felt like O level standard prose. And worse still was that he wouldn't shut them up; good scripts say less, because film is obviously a visual medium.. actors acting with their faces and bodies.. but he had them saying everything... shut up George, you freak!

I am so disappointed.

1977, 2005, 20??

2005-05-18T19:21:00.000+01:00

I know, it may not mean too much to a lot of you out there, but Star Wars Episode III is released tomorrow to a waiting world. I love it; ever since 1977 this story has been a part of my life. I am a realist, and there is a lot in the saga which is a little poor, but the overall feeling I get out of it, is warm and uplifting.. inspirational even.

It can be argued that George L made a monster and the studios began to neglect the independent moviemaker in favour of the sure-fire, moneymaking blockbuster.. and that is sad if it is true (ie. maybe cinema was heading in that direction anyway, catering for the stockholder and not the people). But whatever happened, George you have blown me away and I can't wait to see Darth revealed tomorrow. And if you want someone to write a good realistic script for you in the future, I am the man.

The end

2005-05-03T13:04:00.000+01:00

After nearly 2 and a half years' work, "The Life and Times of Charles A Allen" is completed. For those of you unfamiliar with this project, let me explain. Charles is my late Granddad, in 1990 he recorded details of his life history onto cassette. I have used these recordings and added music to create a musical history of my Granddad's life: it is just short of an hour of music and speech, spread over 36 tracks.
I am so happy with the final product, I could weep. It was obviously a very personal journey for me using text in this manner and trying to make music I hope he would enjoy. Charlie was a musician himself, you see, a drummer and bandleader. He loved dance music (ie. dance music of the 30's and 40's), he adored the saxophone and the big band sound of that era. I have tried to use this in the musical style of this piece. I will be working on the cover artwork over the next few days, and anyone interested in hearing it, can order a CD through the usual channels.
I am also currently working on creating visuals to go with the music and am at present 8 minutes into the project. It will clearly be a much larger project to make an hour long film and I can only hope that my hard drive doesn't explode.

Also on a different note "The Uninhabited Body Parts 1-8" (based on the poems of Rafael Alberti) has also been 'officially' released on Elementary Recordings. The original Parts 6-8 have been available previously, but this is the first time the entire piece has been together in a completed form. I have emailed the Rafael Alberti Foundation in Spain to ask for their consideration in listening to the poet's work set to my music, and am awaiting a reply.

Crackerdog is still awaiting news from The arts Council about funding for their next project "Home" and a meeting is scheduled for the end of May.

"Touching Wood" is still stuck mid-chapter, sorry folks.

Thanks for listening.

Al

Four brief pumps and a squirt

2005-04-21T19:43:00.000+01:00

From X Factor to Extractor. The ride is over; short and sweet.. but I felt my heart pumping in my chest, as if to confirm that I am still alive... it is said that everyday you should do something that scares the skids onto your underpants.. well consider me skid marked for life.

I sang Elvis C's "Watching the Detectives" so sweetly and yet apparently there was no X in my factor, and so adios... I now feel as if I have passed a test - I am not a fake, I am not a media prostitute, I did not shout I have the X factor for the camera crew (nor did I ever think it)... I think my factor is slightly more 'y' or possibly 'f'.

You'll laugh

2005-04-20T13:05:00.000+01:00

Tomorrow I will be selling my soul to the devil.. ha, ha. I am dragging myself to auditions for the new X Factor series. I have seen that dull, middle-aged men seem to win these competitions and logic suggests that I have a better chance of winning than the next person (unless the next person is Bryan Adams).

This is like rollarcoaster; a 6 hour queue followed by 20 seconds of feeling sick and having someone turn your guts upside down.. I can't wait!

I know what you're thinking.. I am anti-establishment; an anarchist; a P.I.L. popping, yellow-toothed, orange sideburned, post-punk tinged dude, who wouldn't drop dung on Messers Cowell at al, if they were sunburnt. However, I want to feel alive; and if it takes something as shallow as this charade to make my heart pump, by god, I will do it.

I have no illusions or pretensions, but I think this will be a thrilling, if not brief, ride.

Mailman bring me no more blues

2005-04-15T19:03:00.000+01:00

Touching Wood takes its next trip to London.. sometimes I wish I could go along and hold it's little hand in that big bad city.. all alone.

Rejection no.6

2005-04-01T13:18:00.000+01:00

In case you are still counting.

As Ed Harcourt once sang: "I don't mind if I lose, cos if I win I'll get so confused." Well that's where I am and how I feel today.

Bad news is the new "no news".. and as you know, no news is good news.. so I'm practically ecstatic.

Sometimes I read or listen to work I've done months ago, and can't remember actually producing it.. it feels like someone else was in there pulling the strings, or with a hand up my back working my mouth and eyes.

Al

36 and beyond

2005-03-24T19:26:00.000Z

Well I've been 36 for a week; not much has changed... but my age finally reaches my waistline. So I guess instead of 'act your age not your shoesize', it should be 'act your waistline not your age'.

In memory of Ethel Robinson

2005-02-19T13:07:00.000Z

We are going to miss you Ethel.

Rejection #4 and #5

2005-02-19T13:05:00.000Z

Thanks, but no thanks; TIMES TWO.

Two thousand and five

2005-01-26T13:42:00.000Z

Touching Wood is back in my head. After a few months of dithering, I am focused. I am working again.. wow it feels good to be home.. pipe and slippers!

I have been busy dangling my toes in other projects, but my boys, my boys; I miss my boys.

Merry Xmas

2004-12-23T13:13:00.000Z

To all you wonderful readers, thank you for your support. Have a wonderful Christmas and a tip-top New Year.

Al

Rejection no.3

2004-12-16T13:07:00.000Z

This one came back so fast, I think they lifted my package from one envelope and put it back in another, unread!

What a business.

But it is back out there... I might work out one day how far it has travelled; I reckon about 700+ miles so far!

Maybe it needs a good M.O.T.

Happiness is a warm rejection letter.

2004-12-06T13:06:00.000Z

As if I needed further confirmation of my position in the world as an undiscovered talent, I have had yet another rejection letter. Can you imagine my joy?

And then I go through those moments when I consider that maybe I am just a big pile of poo..

I am 35.. the most consistent response I get from "the business", is 'piss off you gimp'.. I have had this for the last 15 years!! Am I getting the message? Fuck, no! I am still stubborn enough to consider that the more they hate me, the better my work has become.... I am plainly dilluded.

So answer this... if I wasn't me; would I like my work?

I am intensely critical of everyone; but when I am impressed, I fall in love - BANG! Would I fall in love with this....? Of course I fucking would.

I need to get some stamps, but they closed all the local post offices... it will be in the post again; what else can I do..?

Delays

2004-11-19T13:05:00.000Z

Updates on Touching Wood will experience some delays.. this is due to leaves on the tracks. I apologise for any inconvenience this may cause. However, as I am not regulated, compensation will not be forthcoming.

You will be happy to learn (those of you who are familar with the LINKS to my other adventures) that Crackerdog Productions have completed their short film "Buoy". It is available on VHS by contacting the Crackerdog site.

"Buoy" Audio Version will also be entered into a BBC music/drama competition, as will my own work (as yet untitled) dealing with the life and times of Charles Alfred Allen.. it is for this reason that Touching Wood is currently stuck in its present position (somewhere outside of Goole).

As a goodwill gesture for the problems being experienced, complimentary CD's are being flown to all patrons within our southern hemisphere. If you feel that you have a case, please leave a message and your details herein.

Kind regards

The Boss

And on, and on..

2004-11-09T08:58:00.000Z

No sooner did TW come back home, and I've sent it out again. I was despondent for a good couple of hours on Friday, but I'm used to rejection letters and I bounced back.

So part 2 of the journey begins, and I wait.. I don't give up that easily.

Thanks for your messages of support.

PS - K I don't think I got the cryptic clues right!!

Rejection #1

2004-11-06T13:40:00.000Z

I am not wholly surprised to find my first recent attempt to bring Touching Wood into the world has fallen on deaf ears.. but there you are. Rejection letters are a real kick in the trousers, because I obviously hope that everyone will like this stuff, so why not the first agent on the list? Well they didn't..

So instead, the journey continues and another letter to another agent.....

2004-10-24T18:18:00.000+01:00

Me on my bike

Slippin and slidin..

2004-10-24T18:09:00.000+01:00

Today I fell off my bike and got muddy.. when I got home, my mum was angry cos I had mud all on my clothes and she made me wash them.
My bike fell in the canal but I didn't; I managed to save it before it sank.
I like falling off my bike, it makes me feel young.. tomorrow I think I will climb a tree.

Number One Fan

2004-10-20T13:16:00.000+01:00

That's you Kerry.

your words of encouragement are a motivating force. I started Touching Wood (originally called 'Stories for boys') back in 1995.. it was one page of a screenplay (Rob pooing in the woods). This turned into a novel and 9 years later I am up to 210 pages (which doesn't seem that much does it!).
I can honestly say for the last 12 months, I have left this story pretty much alone on my hard drive, maybe picking at one chapter, but writing nothing new. Since posting those few chapters on the messageboard a couple of months ago, and with your help, I have been writing almost every day.. but more importantly these four boys are alive now.

I really appreciate your comments Kerry, it helps having an audience (as small and loyal as it may be) and your thoughts are most welcome.. I am happy that you are enjoying Touching Wood.

2004-10-04T19:22:00.000+01:00

1 Boy

Agent Neilson

2004-09-27T13:15:00.000+01:00

I am trying to find a literary agent. I think it may be wise to have representation and it could help to get a publishing deal for Touching Wood.
I have sent the synopsis and 3 chapters to an agency in that London... I hope they like it.

Me and Bobby C

2004-09-26T13:55:00.000+01:00

I'm not usually the type to be snapped with celebrities, but I was very drunk at the time and Bobby had just given the performance of a lifetime. He was an inspiration that night in Stoke.
I implore you to listen to his music.. if you can find it. It is becoming increasingly difficult to buy anything in a shop anymore.

2004-09-26T12:51:00.000+01:00

Alan Neilson and Bobby Conn

It has begun...

2004-09-16T16:32:00.000+01:00

The prologue and first 2 chapters are up and out there. I am still working on chapter 3 (although from 4 onwards is pretty much done, with only a few holes) so there may be a delay before the next installment. I was tempted just to put everything out, even though there are gaps, but I'm not.. sorry.

I hope it's not too confusing on the Blog page, as each new section will precede the older chapters and this may get confusing - i will number each blog so at least the order will be discernable.

Please add comments as and when you feel.. I always feel while I am living, everything I do is work in progress! Any suggestions are always welcome, i have the skin of an elephant, although I smell like a giraffe.

Al

A second home..

2004-09-12T20:18:00.000+01:00

elementary productions is currently living in two places. This one is my council house in Dudley; the other is my apartment on the Lido de Jesolo in northern Italy (ha, ha, i wish).. no seriously, there are now two blogs (thanks to Martin for being a demon on this computer thingey, as well as being the most creative soul in the world). This one will have doodlings, the other will have Touching Wood in all its unadulterated glory !

The site address for the other is - www.schvtrn.com/elementary/blog/

I will be posting Touchihg Wood's first few chapters, very soon.

Thanks K for your patience.

2004-09-12T20:14:00.000+01:00

boy touches wood

Touching Wood

2004-08-12T13:22:00.000+01:00

And so Touching Wood, is released into the virtual world onto the unsuspecting minds of strangers I only know through wires... I don't know who or what they are, and they do not know me and yet they like it.

Sometimes strangers are a more powerful influence on me than everyone that I have ever known.

.. I have always relied on the kindness of strangers.. that's Streetcar isn't it? How profound, I wish I had thought of that, originally.. now it looks like what I've already just said before is just ripped off.. yeah, maybe subconsiously.

Poo.

Memo to myself; do the dumb things...

2004-08-10T13:14:00.000+01:00

In case I forget, I have stuck this post-it to my forehead (written backwards)... everytime I look at my reflection, it stares back at me:

1. Do not wash face as ink will run.
2. Finish "Touching Wood (Stories for boys Pt 1 (1977-1980))" before I die.
3. Complete "My Name is Charles Alfred Allen" audio and video before winter.
i. Re-record 'On the Mersey'
ii. Re-record 'Stardust'
4. Start writing "Cut", before I forget what it is about.
5. Don't ever cycle in the blistering heat without water again.
6. Stop taking me for granted.

2004-08-09T13:06:00.000+01:00

Asleep on the bus (again)

from humble beginnings

2004-08-06T13:14:00.000+01:00

elementary productions is me.

i am an artist, first and foremost.

i needed an outlet.. i need to be let out.

Like a dog I need room to stretch my legs, fetch sticks, eat grass and a have poo (which is made up of undigestable grass and it hangs from my backside so I have to rub myself on the floor to get rid of it).

There will be more, eventually, but not necessarily like this...